Eat the World: Street Cats

If you travel at all, particularly to undeveloped countries, you’ll notice a lot of suffering.

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Hungry Kitten Meowing (Myanmar)

Poverty isn’t limited to humans, of course. Animals suffer greatly under the harsh conditions, plagued with disease, injuries that will never be treated, and lack of food.

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Fish Lunch (Myanmar)

I learned a lesson when I visited Cambodia back in 2012.  I saw a starving kitten, scrounging around in the dirt for something to eat.  Anything.  There was nothing I could do about it, and the memory haunts me still.

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Mustache Kitty Enjoying Treats (Thailand)

If you do go abroad, it’s not a bad idea to take along a little bag (or a few cans of) cat food to keep in your backpack.

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One-Eyed Cat (Myanmar)

I don’t recommend feeding dogs, as they can be wild and dangerous, but cats are generally pretty harmless as long as you don’t mess with them while they’re feeding.

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Juveniles Playing After Dinner (Taiwan)

If you stay somewhere for a long time, you can make loyal cat friends that will visit you every day.

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Young Cat Eating (Taiwan)

If you’re worried about parasites, diseases, and the like, you don’t have to touch them.  Many of them, however, have been ignored for most of their lives and love a little interaction.

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Temple Cats (Myanmar)

I won’t post the awful things I’ve seen, but these are a few examples to show how happy you can make a cat by just sneaking a piece of chicken out of a restaurant, or buying fish at a fish market, or even having a small bag of cat treats on hand.

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Cat with a Skin Condition (Myanmar)

I get a lot of strange looks whenever I do this, especially from the locals.  They are struggling to survive themselves, after all.

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A Small Offering (Laos)

Maybe it’s pointless.  After all, it’s only one day, one meal.  But, why not?

Miscellanea: Satan’s Luger

En antíquus inimícus et homicída veheménter eréctus est.

Xmas dinner: Tofurkey Vegetarian Feast, vegan pumpkin pie, and a gat garnish.

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Featured: 1941 Mauser P08 Luger Black Widow Semi-Automatic Pistol

The ProFit’s milsurp hoard includes a number of Lugers, which have been featured on other posts.   This pistol is the jewel of the collection, and I’ve been saving it for a special occasion.

Sed projéctus est dráco ílle mágnus, sérpens antíquus, qui vocátur diábolus et sátanas, qui sedúcit univérsum órbem; et projéctus est in térram, et ángeli éjus cum íllo míssi sunt.  

This is a “Black Widow” variant, characterized by the black bakelite grips and unnumbered black plastic magazine bottoms.  As this one was manufactured during Nazi Germany, it is marked with waffenampts.

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We’ve lovingly dubbed this piece “Satan’s Luger.”

If the mechanical genius and history of this pistol aren’t impressive enough for you, note that it is in almost perfect condition.

I’ll give you a moment to wipe the drool off your keyboard and collect yourself.

En antíquus inimícus et homicída veheménter eréctus est.  Transfigurátus in ángelum lúcis, cum tóta malignórum spirítuum catérva láte círcuit et invádit térram, ut in ea déleat nómen Dei et Christi éjus, animásque ad aetérnae glóriae corónam destinátas furétur, máctet ac pérdat in sempitérnum intéritum.

It’s an impressive antique.  Of particular interest is the serial number.  BEHOLD!

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Black Widow Luger: Serial Number 666

Vírus nequítiae suae, támquam flúmen immundíssimum, dráco maléficus transfúndit in hómines depravátos ménte et corrúptos córde; spíritum mendácii, impietátis et blasphémiae; halitúmque mortíferum luxúriae, vitiórum ómnium et iniquitátum.

View more images of this unique pistol:

External Content: Libby’s Vegan Pumpkin Pie

200 calories

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The un-blended blobs of cornstarch add character.

Recipe here: https://www.verybestbaking.com/recipes/146204/libbys-vegan-pumpkin-pie/?recipeFoodType=breakfast-brunch~desserts~vegan

I used 4 Tbsp of cornstarch mixed with egg replacer instead of the tapioca flour, and Truvia Baking Blend instead of regular sugar, but everything else is the same. If you need a vegan pumpkin pie, this recipe is pretty authentic compared to the tofu-based one I tried last year.

It’s not a pretty pie, but considering it’s just going to be eaten, I don’t care!

Heavy Meals: Pretzel Dogs

200 calories

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Featured: The Shun knife my brother stabbed himself with yesterday. A sharp knife is a safe knife. NOT.

When I was in high school, I used to take classes during the summer just for the heck of it. All students were required to take a P.E. course (this is before ‘Murica decided to give up and just be fat). I hated sportsball, so I spent the first few classes actively not participating, instead choosing to sit on my fat, lazy butt (complete with hideous pants from Hot Topic).

The head coach saw me sitting around and made me a deal: work in the school concession and get the P.E. credit hours. Like my hero, Donald J. Trump, I can appreciate a good deal. I dedicated the rest of the summer session loading cartons of soda into freezers and preparing food for the other students. It was all garbage food, like Hot Pockets, frozen pizza, and hot dogs.

Gods, the hotdogs. So. Many. Hotdogs. We must have sold a thousand of them. To this day, the smell alone makes me want to hurl. Naturally, my dear brother finds this hilarious and will occasionally grab a package of vegan hot dogs for us to (((enjoy))).

Fast forward to a few days ago, when my brother and I were browsing the frozen foods section at Giant. I like the frozen foods section because it tells me a lot about the American diet. On this occasion, one particular box caught his eye. It was, as the title suggests, a box of pretzel dogs. That led to this exchange.

The ProFit: “I’ve never had a pretzel dog before.”

Rev: “Me neither. You know, I bet I could make those for cheap.”

I might not be that bright, but even I can put 2 and 2 together (since Common Core wasn’t a thing back in my day). We had a package of Tofu Pups, a decent pretzel recipe, and apparently we hate ourselves. Wait…that’s 3 things. Ugh, math is hard.

And so, without further ado: the Pretzel Dog.

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Just because vegan dogs aren’t made with tongues and butts doesn’t mean they don’t taste like tongues and butts.

 

Nutritional Information

Calories: 50 calories per tofu pup + (~1120 calories for the dough / 8 ) = about 200 calories for 1 pretzel dog.

8 servings per batch.

Instructions

To make pretzel dogs, all you need to do is follow this recipe, with just a couple modifications. First, the Tofu Pups are small, so either make a half batch of the dough, or do what I did and make 4 pretzels, then save the rest of the dough for the pups. I prepared the dough the night before, put it in a zipper storage bag, and stored the bag in the fridge.

Cut the dough into 8 equal-sized pieces. One dough blob per hot dog. Roll the dough out. It helps to wet your hands a little so that the dough is a bit sticky. Wrap each hotdog in dough and roll it between your hands to ensure it doesn’t unravel.

The rest of the steps are exactly the same. Boil, salt, and bake. Serve with mustard or, better yet, horseradish mustard. Contemplate the decisions you’ve made in life. Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should.

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Remember everyone: A knife is never unloaded.

Baking: Basic Soft Pretzels

280 calories

Vegan pretzels based on this recipe from the Food Network Website.

Makes 8 pretzels. Preparation time about 1 and 1/2 hours.

Approximately 281 calories per pretzel. Calories if you eat the whole batch: 2,246.

Additional Nutritional Information (Per Serving)
Carbs 48g, Fat 8g, Protein 9g, Sodium 61mg, Sugar 1g

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Materials

  • Mixing Bowls, Pot, Measuring Cups/Spoons, Knife, Cookie Tray, Oven, Wax Paper
  • 4 1/2 Cups White All-Purpose Flour (+ 1,800 calories)
  • 2 Oz Margarine (+ 400 calories)
  • 1 Tbsp Sugar (+ 48 calories)
  • 2 Tsp Salt
  • 1 Package Yeast
  • 1 Tsp Pretzel Salt
  • Baking Soda (Optional)

Preparation

Step 1. Combine 1 and 1/2 cups of warm water, sugar, and table salt in a bowl. Sprinkle the yeast on top and allow to sit for 5 minutes or until foamy.

Step 2.  Melt the butter in the microwave.

Step 3. Combine the flour, butter, and yeast mixture in a mixing bowl.

Step 4. Knead the dough until smooth.  Cover and allow to rise for about an hour or until doubled in size.

Step 5. Lay out some wax paper.  Divide the dough into 8 equal pieces and roll them into ropes about 24 inches in length.  Twist them into a pretzel shape.  I just sort approximated it, but I guess you can watch a tutorial if you want to be super authentic.

Step 6. Boil a pot of water.  You need to drop each of the pretzels in and boil them for 30 seconds.  Fishing them out is a real pain, so do them one at a time. If you aren’t adding egg wash, add a Tbsp of baking soda to the water and thus achieve MAX PRATZAL FLAV0RZ.

Step 7. Line your baking tray and spritz the wax paper with canola oil cooking spray.  Transfer your boiled pretzels to the papers.

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Step 8. Sprinkle the pretzels with pretzel salt.  Over-salt them a little bit, as some of the salt will fall off.  I applied a tiny bit of cooking spray to the surface to ensure it would stick.  You could add an egg and baking soda wash at this point (or other toppings) if you want to make things complicated.

Step 9. Bake at 450 degrees F for 12 minutes, or until lightly browned.

Step 10. Remove from oven.  Transfer onto a cooling rack (or onto a dish cloth) and allow them to cool before serving.