Miscellanea: The Future is Now

20170505_220642Tuna was the last meat I gave up when I decided to become a vegetarian ten years ago.  Back in my day, all we vegetarians had were actual vegetables, soy milk, and the occasional Boca Burger.  Now, they sell vegan tuna salad in grocery stores.  I hope all you young people appreciate having access to modern conveniences like vegan tuna salad, NoSalt, and toilet paper.


Get the hell off my lawn.



Miscellanea: I <3 GMOs

(But only plants)

Now, THIS is a strawberry.  Sprinkle on a little non-calorie sugar made in a laboratory on that freakishly large berry and we have a deal!

Is this real life?

I can’t wait until they grow them the size of my head.

That being said, genetically modifying animals to optimize them for eating…not cool. Google “Deep Pectoral Myopathy” sometime.

Eat the World: Peru

“Visit Machu Picchu” is usually an entry on any traveler’s bucket list. It’s a once in a lifetime experience so, naturally, I’ve been twice.  I don’t know what’s so endearing about Peru, but it stands out from most of the places in which I’ve spent any significant amount of time.  Maybe I was intoxicated by the dreamlike cloud forests and the isolatedness that makes you feel like you’re in your own world.  I miss the heady feeling of being at a high altitude, breathless in the thin air (at the time I smoked like a chimney).  Don’t really know, but there’s food there and that means BLOG POST!?!11  Because, friends, boiling down a genuine (but long since lost) experience into a goofy post about eating guinea pigs is how I cope with the emptiness inside.

Obligatory Shot of Machu Picchu

Honestly, the food in Peru, while rated “Not Bad” on my scale of “Yum” to “Yuck,” is largely meat-based.  If you’re a vegetarian, you’re probably not going to appreciate seeing the severed cow heads at the meat market.  Besides the standard fare, there’s also a few unique items on the menu, including llama and cui (domesticated guinea pig).  In Cuzco, there’s this great painting of the Last Supper by Marcos Zapata in the Cathedral depicting Jesus and his crew eating cui and drinking chicha.

Source: Wikipedia

Cui are reserved for special occasions. I do have video footage of cui being prepared, but I’ll just describe it in words.  The cooks placed the slaughtered guinea pig in a pot of boiling water, removed the fur, burnt off the remaining hair over an open flame (scraping it with a knife), gutted it, cut off the tail, and roasted that sucker on up.  So, there’s your tutorial in case there’s a famine and you ever need to cook up the classroom pet.

I just realized it’s been nearly ten years since my first trip to Peru.  Don’t I feel old.

Heavy Meals: Falafel Wraps

750 calories

Two Trader Joe’s Habanero Lime Tortillas, 4 tbsp of hummus, 150g of falafel, and mixed veggies.  Surprisingly fattening at around 750 calories for two wraps (plus a side salad), but also tasty.


Meanwhile, like my pant size, the ProFit’s Contender count continues to grow.  Current count is 2 frames, 5 barrels.  Do you like launching projectiles out of metal tubes?  Then why not do so while eating hummus out of a tortilla tube?