Light Meals: Root Vegetable Roast

330 calories

New dishes mean an excuse to show off new guns.

The ProFit and I recently went on a mini road trip to West Virginia.  We stopped at the local Walmart, where my brother noticed beets for sale.  He bought two on a whim, leaving me asking myself (and him), “Ew, what the heck am I supposed to do with these?”  After scouring the internet for ideas, I decided on a turnip/carrot/beet roast.  At the very least, I figured the other vegetables would overpower the weird beet flavor.

I chopped up four turnips, the two beets, then added a small bag of baby cut carrots.  I dumped them onto a baking sheet (I don’t have a roasting pan–don’t judge) and coated them with a little canola oil.  I also added a drizzle of fat-free balsamic salad dressing (I don’t have any balsamic vinaigrette, either–don’t judge), plus a sprinkling of salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, Italian seasoning, and minced garlic.  Cook that for an hour in the oven at 400 degrees F and, hey, you have food.

Italian craftsmanship ❤

When we move out of the city and have our own garden, I suspect we’ll be making this meal a lot as a cheap way to stay alive.

True story: We bought the turnips at our local grocery store.  There was a sign above the turnips that read something like: “Turnips: a vegetable having white skin with a purple tint.”  I was laughing at how basic that description was until we got to the checkout line and the cashier asked us what vegetable it was we were buying.  I guess city folk don’t actually know what turnips are.

Cashiers are always confused by portabello mushrooms, too.  They ask us, “What kind of mushrooms are these?”  Every.  Single.  Time.  Do these people not eat anything that doesn’t come pre-assembled in a cardboard box?

Light Meals: Uyghur-Style Four Peppers

The Angelist Cookbook, once again presenting only the finest recipes.

As you may or may not know, my brother (The ProFit), bases most of our staple recipes on things he’s tried in restaurants.  Being the jefe at his workplace, he sometimes has to go out to eat with his co-workers.  This means he ends up trying a variety of semi-exotic fare that I, working from home, don’t.

Sometimes, our system works well.  He brings an idea back home with the intention of finding a way to make it on the cheap.  Other times, however, we get something like the following:

The knife is something The ProFit bought in Afghanistan.  There are Uyghurs working in Afghanistan.  That’s a good enough justification to feature it here.

How did this happen?  The ProFit ordered a dish called “Four Peppers” at some Uyghur-style restaurant.  No, it wasn’t a stir-fry featuring four different types of peppers.  It was literally four peppers on a plate.  And it cost $9.

He made this “dish” at home, too.  I think he felt that, by doing so, it would somehow offset the fact he had to pay nine bucks for a few cents worth of peppers.  I should tell you that he modified the recipe somewhat–the nine-dollar peppers he received still had the stems on them.

Eating out: it’s highway robbery, I tell ya.  Where we live, you can easily pay twenty Uncle Sam Funbucks™ for a veggie burger.  All the more reason to never leave the apartment.

Light Meals: Fungus Sandwich

450 calories

The blue cheese makes it extra fungusy.

About a month ago, I tried a mushroom.  I’d tasted mushrooms in the past and always disliked them, but it turns out it’s just the canned variety that sucks.  Fresh mushrooms are actually all right, despite the fact they remind me of rot and decay.  More importantly, they’re low in calories, yet add bulk.  Thus, I’ve started incorporating them into salads, stir fry, and so forth.

Today, The ProFit and I tried making a portobello mushroom sandwich.  It turned out pretty good, so I’ll jot down the recipe for future reference.  If I don’t do this, I tend to forget that some particular dish is an option and revert back to my neurotic “mono” diets where I just eat the same thing every day for months on end.


Total Calories: ~450


One ciabatta roll (140 calories), one or two portobello mushroom caps (66 calories), 100 grams of onion (40 calories), half a bell pepper (10 calories), one ounce blue cheese (100 calories), half a tablespoon of canola oil (60 calories), a splash of teriyaki sauce (30 calories), and black pepper for seasoning.


1. Slice the bread and spread the blue cheese on the slices. (Daiya provolone would probably work well, too.)

2. Fry the mushroom caps in a skillet with the oil and teriyaki sauce.  It might also help to cut the mushrooms into strips instead of leaving it whole since the rubbery texture makes it hard to bite into.

3. Slice the onion and green pepper into strips and fry those, too. Don’t add more oil, just Teriyaki sauce.

4. Allow most of the sauce to drain off the vegetables before putting them on the bread. Sprinkle on some black pepper flakes or other seasonings.

5. Spend half an hour scrubbing the oil splatter off the stove to burn off the calories from your sandwich.

Light Meals: Meatball Sub Sandwich

480 calories

Serves 1. Preparation time approximately five minutes.

Approximately 480 calories per sandwich.


  • 1 Steak Roll
    + Morabito Steak Roll: 170 calories each.
  • 1/3 Cup Pasta Sauce
    + Ragu Chunky Tomato, Garlic, and Onion: 60 calories for 1/3 cup.
  • Vegetarian Meatballs
    + Gardein Classic Meatless Meatballs: 250 calories for 5.


Step 1. Cut a hoagie roll lengthwise, without cutting all the way through.

Step 2. Microwave the pasta sauce and meatballs.

Step 3. Place the meatball/sauce mixture in the roll.

Step 4. Serve as-is, or with hot sauce and vegan parmesan cheese.


Light Meals: Philly Cheesesteak

520 calories

Authentic Pennsylvania-style Philly cheesesteak sandwich (but vegan).

Serves three. Preparation time approximately fifteen minutes.

Approximately 520 calories per sandwich.


  • Cutting Board, Knife, Skillet, Spatula Stove
  • 1 Steak Roll
    + Morabito Steak Roll: 170 calories each.
  • Vegetarian Steak Strips
    + Wegmans Meatless Beef Strips: 170 calories for 7 strips.
  • 2 Slices Vegetarian American Cheese
    + Go Veggie American Cheese: 40 calories per slice.
  • Onion
    + Onion: 8 calories for 20g.
  • Vegetable Oil
    + Canola Oil: 120 calories per tbsp.


Step 1. Cut a hoagie roll lengthwise, without cutting all the way through.

Step 2. Slice the onion and fake meat thinly.

Step 3. In the skillet, add the oil to fry the fake meat and saute the onion.

Step 4. Place the cheese slices in the roll.

Step 5. Use the spatula to arrange the onions and meat into a pile.

Step 6. Quickly turn the roll upside-down on top of the pile. Allow the bread to warm and the cheese to melt.

Step 7. Flip the sandwich back over, using the spatula to keep the contents from falling out of the roll.

Step 8. Serve as-is, or with hot sauce, No Salt, and black pepper.


Light Meals: Potatoes and Green Peppers

480 calories

Serves one. Preparation time approximately thirty minutes.

Approximately 480 calories per serving.


  • Cutting Board, Potato Peeler (Optional), Knife, Skillet, Spatula, Stove
  • Potatoes
    + Several Russet Potatoes: 169 calories for 1 medium.
  • Green Bell Peppers
    + 1 Green Bell Pepper: 20 calories.
  • Jalapeno Pepper
    + 1 Jalapeno Pepper: 6 calories each.
  • Onion
    + Yellow Onion: 40 calories for 100g.
  • Teriyaki Sauce
    + La Choy Teriyaki Sauce: 10 calories per tbsp.
  • Vegetable Oil
    + Canola Oil: 120 calories per tbsp.
  • Spices
    + Italian Seasoning.
    + Red Pepper Flakes.
    + Black Pepper.


Step 1. Peel the potatoes and cut them into chunks. The thinner and smaller they are, the faster they’ll cook.

Step 2: Place the potato pieces into the microwave for a few minutes to get them started, if you want to hurry things up.

Step 3. Pour the canola oil and some teriyaki sauce into a cast iron skillet. Add to the potatoes and cook at medium heat.

Step 4. Chop the vegetables roughly.

Step 5. Add the vegetables to the potatoes as they near the end of the cooking process.

Step 6. Add the spices at the end. Hold your nose as you sprinkle in the black pepper because this dish will make you sneeze. A lot.

Step 7. Serve with Sriracha, Tabasco, or Vinegar.

Light Meals: Hoagies (Reading, PA Style)

460 calories

Authentic Pennsylvania-style hoagie sandwich (but vegan).

Serves three.  Preparation time approximately ten minutes.

Approximately 460 calories per sandwich.


  • Cutting Board, Knife
  • 3 Steak Rolls
    + Morabito Steak Roll: 170 calories each.
  • Vegetarian Ham
    + 1 Pack Yves Veggie Cuisine Veggie Ham: 72 calories for 1/3 packet.
  • Vegetarian Salami
    + 1 Pack Yves Veggie Cuisine Veggie Salami: 58 calories for 1/3 packet.
  • 6 Slices Vegan Provalone or Swiss Cheese
    + Daiya Cheese Slices: 140 calories for two slices.
  • Vegetables
    + Lettuce: 8 calories per cup.
    + Tomato: 12 calories for 4 slices.
    + Onion: 8 calories for 20g.
  • 3 Tbsp Vegetarian Mayonnaise
    + Reduced Fat Veganaise: 90 calories for 2 tbsp.
  • Italian Seasoning
  • Vinegar
    + Apple Cider Vinegar: 0 calories


Step 1. Remove the hoagie rolls from their packaging and set aside. Remove the vegan meat substitutes from their packages and separate the slices. On a cutting board, arrange them in a line with the slices overlapping slightly.

Step 2. Cut the tomato and onion into thin slices. Chop the lettuce into shreds.

Step 3. Cut the vegan meat into halves, running the knife horizontally down the meat line.

Step 4. Spread a tablespoon or two of vegan mayonnaise on the bread.

Step 5. Place 2 cheese slices, 1/3 package each vegan meat, 2 tomato slices, some shredded lettuce, and cut onion in each of the rolls.

Step 6. Drizzle the sandwiches with 1 tsp vinegar and add a sprinkling of the Italian Seasoning.

Step 7. Eat hoagie while cleaning your Thompson/Center Contender single-shot pistol.