Tuna was the last meat I gave up when I decided to become a vegetarian ten years ago. Back in my day, all we vegetarians had were actual vegetables, soy milk, and the occasional Boca Burger. Now, they sell vegan tuna salad in grocery stores. I hope all you young people appreciate having access to modern conveniences like vegan tuna salad, NoSalt, and toilet paper.
Get the hell off my lawn.
(But only plants)
Now, THIS is a strawberry. Sprinkle on a little non-calorie sugar made in a laboratory on that freakishly large berry and we have a deal!
I can’t wait until they grow them the size of my head.
That being said, genetically modifying animals to optimize them for eating…not cool. Google “Deep Pectoral Myopathy” sometime.
“No one has as many friends as the the man with many cheeses.”
As a software engineering grad student, I get a lot of homework assignments that involve building webpages.
This assignment was to build a data viz. I spent hours making it, so someone besides the TA better look at this thing. Who knows, you might learn something about cheese. I used the C3.js library for the charts.
* No, gorgombert is not an actual cheese (though the nutritional information presented is based on mozzarella). Play Divinity: Original Sin sometime–it’s great.
What do you do with that tub of Tofutti ricotta cheese you bought, hated, but can’t throw away because it’s technically “edible” and you’re broke; and that bag of Christmas pasta that a friend gave you for the holidays that you feel increasingly anxious to eat because it seems somehow wrong to eat things shaped like Xmas trees when the stores are now pink with Valentines Day offerings and you’re really weird about food like that?
I really need to stop over-thinking everything.
I do have a solution, and it isn’t addressing any underlying psychological issues: Xmas pasta alfredo with sauteed zucchini! The ProFit came up with the idea. He dumped a metric ton of Go Veggie Parmesan into the mix to mask the paint thinner-esque Tofutti flavor. The clumpy sauce wasn’t pretty, but it tasted way better than it had any right to taste. Like, it was really freaken good.
My brother is the King of Bachelor Cooking. I know this because he once ate a bowl of flour/water paste, just because he had leftover flour and didn’t know what else to do with it.
But, who’s gonna pay for it?
A while back, I said you should only ever make something as expensive as blonde brownies if The Donald Himself is coming to town.
What’s that you say? He won the election? In that case, I better keep my promise. Let no one say I’m not a man of my word.
Since this is the day of Trump’s inauguration as God Emperor, I present you with something sweet to balance out the post-election saltiness: a wall of blonde brownies to commemorate the occasion:
President Trump, as a concerned citizen, I demand that you have the White House redecorated. I really think it needs to be the Gold House.
Also, abolish the TSA.
And by the way, these brownies are incredible. Tremendous. Make a batch. They’re gonna be great, they’re gonna be classy, they’re gonna be beautiful. I’ve eaten many, many brownies and, you know–these are great brownies, believe me.
If you travel at all, particularly to undeveloped countries, you’ll notice a lot of suffering.
Poverty isn’t limited to humans, of course. Animals suffer greatly under the harsh conditions, plagued with disease, injuries that will never be treated, and lack of food.
I learned a lesson when I visited Cambodia back in 2012. I saw a starving kitten, scrounging around in the dirt for something to eat. Anything. There was nothing I could do about it, and the memory haunts me still.
If you do go abroad, it’s not a bad idea to take along a little bag (or a few cans of) cat food to keep in your backpack.
I don’t recommend feeding dogs, as they can be wild and dangerous, but cats are generally pretty harmless as long as you don’t mess with them while they’re feeding.
If you stay somewhere for a long time, you can make loyal cat friends that will visit you every day.
If you’re worried about parasites, diseases, and the like, you don’t have to touch them. Many of them, however, have been ignored for most of their lives and love a little interaction.
I won’t post the awful things I’ve seen, but these are a few examples to show how happy you can make a cat by just sneaking a piece of chicken out of a restaurant, or buying fish at a fish market, or even having a small bag of cat treats on hand.
I get a lot of strange looks whenever I do this, especially from the locals. They are struggling to survive themselves, after all.
Maybe it’s pointless. After all, it’s only one day, one meal. But, why not?